Why James Potter Should Mind His Own Business
by Sparrowfeather1
Summary: James is determined to get Sirius and Remus together but runs into a problem along the way aka Remus going on a date with a girl! With Sirius jealous and overbearing, Remus angry and straight what is James to do? RLSB! Set in MWPP Era.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own this as much as I own the internet.**

**Well I wanted to play around with something new and lately I have been OBSESSED with Remus and Sirius fanfics, so I decided to write them.**

**James' POV**

Sirius and Remus are in love.

Even if they don't realize it themselves yet.

I will get them together.

"James? …Prooooongs?" Sirius called, waving a hand in front of my face, effectively shocking me out of my plotting.

"Huh?" I looked up.

"Class is over, what are you doing just sitting here? I know Minnie's quite a sight and all but sheesh, she's not worth missing lunch over."

"Only my Lilyflower is worth missing meals for." I smiled dreamily, _Wait! Stop! Focus on Remus and Sirius! Remus and Sirius_! . I willed my brain. "So Padfoot you got a date for Hogsmede this weekend?"

"I've got four dates my dear Prongs." Sirius flung his arm over my shoulder.

"Oh to bad" I sighed dejectedly.

"Well I'm sorry but you should have asked before everyone else did."

"That's not what I meant you ponce!" I shoved him off me with a laugh." I was just thinking since Peter's going out with that Huffelpuff girl and I will be spending the day wooing my dearest Lily that you could keep Remus company. Doesn't have a date ya know."

"But what about those eight Ravenclaw girls eyeing him up the other day?"

"Padfoot. You cursed their hair to spontaneously burst into flames…remember?" I sometimes wondered about my friends' sanity and my own for that matter.

"Well I didn't know what their intentions were regarding our precious Moonykins."

"You mean your precious Moonykins" I laughed. "I am perfectly willing to let him date anyone he pleases."

"Blasphemy!" Sirius jumped away and pointed at me. "Blasphemy I tell you blasphemy!"

"What because I want our friend to be happy?" I shook my head amused "Pads you've scared off almost every, no not almost, _every_ girl to even look his way."

"Fine" he sighed.

"Fine you'll lay off his admirers."

"Hell no" Sirius laughed and ran into the Great Hall, plopping down next to Remus and staring straight at him.

"Well hello to you too Siri." Remus smirked.

My point exactly! If anyone else tried to call him Siri they'd be mauled! Remus can get away with anything when it comes to Sirius!

"Hey, guess what!"

"Your mother died"

"I wish" Sirius pouted for a moment before his maniac smile returned. "I am taking you to Hogsmede this weekend."

"Aren't you taking Anna Crowshire?" Remus looked to his friend questioningly.

"No he's taking Emilia Jenkins." Peter shook his head.

"And Savannah Herol and Tina Wesfield." I smirked.

"Well I'm cancelling my dates with them and taking you!" Sirius wrapped an arm around Remus' neck and hugged him close. "We don't have nearly enough alone time." Now I know I'm not imagining the pink blush that stained Remus' cheeks.

"Deciding not to comment about _alone time_." Remus chuckled. "But as much as I appreciate the gesture Pads I already have a date to Hogsmede."

My, Peter's and Sirius' mouths all fell open, staring at our adolescent werewolf friend in shock. I watched Sirius's face turn several violent shades of pink, red then a very worrisome purple.

"Sirius…?" Remus asked nervously. "Are you okay…?"

I clapped my hand over Sirius's mouth just in time to stop the outburst.

"He's just a bit surprised Moons." I tried to sound reassuring but it was hard while trying to hold a struggling Sirius.

"Who is it?" Peter smiled, he was completely oblivious, lucky him.

"Amy Corry." Remus smiled dreamily and I started to wonder if I got that ridiculous look on when I thought of Lily…

"One of those Ravenclaw girls that Sirius cursed?" Peter asked surprised.

Remus nodded "Yeah, I went to apologize and she asked me out! Isn't that great?"

"Ouch!" I exclaimed as Sirius bit my hand and broke free.

"HOW THE BLOODY HELL DO YOU THINK THAT'S GREAT!" Sirius barked, having that animalistic look in his eyes that we rarely ever saw even in Padfoot.

"W-What do you mean…?" Remus asked confused and a bit hurt.

"Y-YOU CANT GO OUT WITH HER!"

"And why not?" Remus' wounded look was replaced with annoyance, rapidly escalating into anger.

"Why don't we go somewhere else to talk about thi-" I tried, this was so not playing into my get Remus and Sirius together plans.

"BECAUSE SHE'S VILE AND HORRID!" Sirius yelled.

Yup definitely not good.

"You don't even know her!" Remus stood up angrily. Peter stared on in awe, Remus never lost his temper, especially not with Sirius.

"Guuuuuuys, people are starting to stare…" I said looking around, almost everyone had turned to watch the spectacle, even the Professors.

"I DON'T NEED TO KNOW HER TO KNOW THAT SHE'S NOT RIGHT FOR YOU!"

"Oh then tell me, who is so right for me!" Remus shot back.

Sirius fell silent at that looking away, his fists clenched tightly at his sides.

HA IM RIGHT! SIRIUS IS SO JEALOUS! I mentally cheered but my happiness was quickly drown out when Remus started speaking again. I had never seen him so mad before.

"Well if you cant tell me then maybe I should just be like you shag every single thing that moves! You're so egotistical to think you can tell me who I can and cant date and I'm tired of you being so damn overbearing that you hurt girls who are just trying to be nice to me! You are such a git Sirius Black, acting like you know everything about women because you are Hogwarts number one whore!"

The entire hall was silent, even I stared at Remus in shock. No words could describe the look of pain on Sirius's face as Remus turned around and stormed out of the hall without a single word of regret. Everyone watched his departure in awe and the hall stayed quiet for almost a whole minute before suddenly it exploded with chatter about what had just gone on.

Sirius sat back down like a zombie, Peter and I watching him worriedly. Sirius stared at his plate blankly, lost in his own mind.

"You want some grapes…?" Peter tried hesitantly.

And that broke him, Sirius stood and rushed out of the Great Hall.

Maybe getting them together wasn't going to be as easy as I thought…

**…...**

**Here's Chapter 1! Tell me what you think about it, suggestions accepted of corse. So just click that little review button plz.**

**The next chapter should be up in just a few days, I'm writing this all on my school computer so updates will probably be during the week.**

**Oh & thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Still don't own**

**Thanks for the great feed back for the last chapter! You guys are as great as always!**

**James' POV**

It was a few hours after the 'incident in the Great Hall' as Peter and I have come to call it. Sirius skipped the rest of his classes that day and it was now getting late. After dinner I ran up to the dorm room and took out the map. _I should have known_. I rolled my eyes, finding Sirius' name on the map.

Storming up the moving staircases and down the halls I made it to the fourth floor, ripping open a broom closet and three people tumbled out. Sirius, a dark brunette Emi Davis and blonde haired Lissie Redford, they were sixth year Gryffindors, a year under us but still admittedly pretty.

"What the bloody hell was that for!" Sirius snapped, sitting up.

"For skipping your classes, courtesy of Minnie." I bowed dramatically.

"Well shove off I'm busy" he growled at me, standing up and trying to pull Lissie and Emi back in the broom closet with him.

"Not anymore," I took the girls arms and pulled them away from Sirius "I'm sorry but your services are no longer needed. Goodbye." I gave them a little push and they looked back confused but walked away, deciding not to get in the middle of the impending fight.

"What the he-" Sirius started but I cut him off.

"You're proving Remus right you know." I crossed my arms.

"You're taking HIS side? How can you!"

"I'm not taking his side Sirius! I'm just trying to figure out what happened today!"

"You saw what happened! Remus chose that skank over me-over us!"

"Over you?" I sighed "Padfoot I know something's going on"

"I don't know what you mean." Sirius looked out a nearby window at the pouring rain outside.

"Yes you do…Sirius do you like Remus as in fancy him?" I already knew the answer but I had to get Sirius to admit it to himself before I set my plan in action.

"What! Did you not see Lissie in that closet! I'm not gay!" Sirius flung his arms around angrily.

"I saw Lissie but I also saw how jealous you got when Remus mentioned he had a date."

"She just wants one thing from him!"

"What are you his mother?" I couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculous look of mingled outrage and his protectiveness for Remus.

"No of corse no-"

"Of corse not because that would be incest now wouldn't it?"

"I don't fancy Remus!" Sirius barked.

"Yes and I don't fancy Lily." I crossed my arms "Sirius I don't care if you like Remus, I wont think any differently of you and neither will Peter."

"I-DON'T-FANCY-REMUS!" Sirius yelled as if I was a naughty two year old.

"Sirius" I sighed pinching the bridge of my nose which was rather difficult with my glasses in the way. "Just hear my out here."

"I don't fancy-"

"You do! You don't realize it but you do!" I tried to explain.

"Why the bloody hell do you think I like him! Just because I don't like the idea of him dating some slutty Ravenclaw!"

"Because you weren't just upset you completely lost it mate. I mean I thought your head was going to explode! And it wasn't just this girl its EVERY single girl he's ever come in contact with you automatically hate!"

"I just don't want to see him get hurt…." Sirius shrugged.

"You don't do that for me or Peter."

"You and Peter can hold your own."

"So can Remus! He's a _you know_ for chrissakes!"

"That doesn't mean he's impervious to women!"

"Sirius just listen to yourself! You're either his mother or his wife!"

"No I'm not! I don't know where you get off thinking this kind of thing!"

I sighed, "I just want you to see the truth. You fancy Remus. No you don't just fancy him you_ love_ him,"

"I, Sirius Black, am not in love!"

"Yes you are, you, Sirius Black, are head over heels in love!"

"Prove it!"

I sighed "Sirius, I don't need to prove it because you _do_ love Remus. Whether you like it or not you love him and want him. You just need to accept it and tell him which will be pretty hard considering HE HATES YOU NOW!"

That finally seemed to have an impact "Remus doesn't hate me…it was just an argument…he'll get over it…" he said unsurely.

"Pads you really hurt his feelings."

"He called me a manwhore!" Sirius objected.

"I just found you in a closet with _two_ girls Sirius, TWO!" I slapped my hand against my forehead exasperated. "A friend wouldn't have freaked out about Remus having a date-"

"But-"

"Unless of corse you're jealous."

"IM NOT JEALOUS!"

"We're going in circles here, just admit that you love Remus!"

"I'm not going to admit something that's not true."

I closed my eyes, this was getting nowhere. Then I had an idea. "Okay okay you don't like Remus…I suppose that's a good thing…"

"I thought you wanted me to like Remus" Sirius scratched the back of his head confused.

"Well Remus is gay and all and I guess it'd be weird to have my two best friends shagging in our dorm."

"Remus is WHAT!" Sirius looked like someone had just slapped him.

"Gay" I repeated

"But he's going out with Slutty McSlutslut!"

"Nice choice of words" I rolled my eyes "And he's just going out with her because people have been starting to talk about how he never has a girl and with you always hanging on him like that people start to talk. Most of the school already thinks you two are gay lovers so he wanted to prove them all wrong, you know how he is with his furry little problem and being gay just makes him feel worse so he's going out with this girl so people will shut up." This was all a complete lie of corse, sort of, Remus was gay he just didn't know it yet.

"So he's gay…?" Sirius said shocked

"Yes Sirius he's gay." I said slowly.

"Gay…"

"You don't have to keep repeating it."

"Remus is gay…" Sirius sat down, leaning against the wall.

"Sirius? Padfoot, are you okay?"

"I can't believe I didn't know he was gay."

"You're worrying me mate." I said awkwardly watching Sirius. His eyes were clouding over and he was staring into space.

"I mean it was so obvious that he's gay."

"You're scaring m-it was?" I asked surprised,

"Well yeah I mean no straight guy, smells that nice, has such shiny hair and pretty eyes."

I paused "You do realize what you just said right?"

"That Remus smells nice, has pretty hair and gorgeous eyes? Yeah so? He does."

"You pretty much just proved that you are in love with Remus." I nodded slowly.

Sirius hopped up "What! Just cuz I think he smells like chocolate, has hair like a cloud and he makes me want to drown in his eyes-oh my god I'm in love with Remus!" If Sirius was shell shocked when he found out Remus was 'gay' he was practically catatonic now.

"Sirius? You really gotta stop doing this" I waved my hand in front of his face and he suddenly grinned from ear to ear. "Okaaaaaay, that's kind of creepy…"

"I love Remus! I fucking love Remus this is crazy, this is amazing, this is-I'm totally screwed." He smile fell. "Remus hates me, bloody hell I finally realize I love him and he hates me."

"He doesn't hate you, he's just stressed…" I tried gently.

"Come on James we're going to the Astronomy Tower" Sirius started walking towards the staircase.

"Why?" I followed.

"So you can help me throw myself off it." He said as if it was the most normal thing in the world, which it sort of was, Sirius was king of being over dramatic.

"Whoa whoa wait!" I grabbed his arm. "We don't need to ugly up the grounds with your blood now do we?"

"But-"

"No buts-"

"Will you stop interrupting me!"

"You just interrupted me!"

"You did it first!"

"Because you're trying to throw yourself off of the bloody Astronomy Tower!"

"Of corse I am! Wouldn't you if the person you loved would never love you back and hated you-oh wait sorry, uh never mind."

"Lily will love me someday and Remus will love you too! Ill help."

"Oh god"

"No really I will! Remus still talks to me, Ill just try to get him to stop hating you!"

"So he does hate me!"

"Not for long, just don't try and off yourself yet. Okay?"

"Fine but if he goes on that date with Slutty then the grounds are getting painted red! Okay?"

"Fine fine! God not even Molly Prewett is as dramatic as you are." I sighed, "Lets just get back to the dorm."

"I wont be able to sleep anyways, what's the point." Sirius muttered but followed me down the hall. We turned a corner and there was Remus, snuggled in an alcove with Amy Corry locked in a hot snogging session.

I glanced over at Sirius, his face was redder then my scarlet and gold scarf and he looked ready to kill.

**…...**

**Woo! Cliffhanger! Yeah! Review and Ill update faster!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Still don't own**

**Still James' POV**

I slapped my hand over Sirius' mouth before he could start the string of curse words that I knew were on the tip of his tongue. Remus and Amy were still blissfully unaware of our presence. "Shhh, Sirius calm down, this is just for show remember? It doesn't mean anything." I whispered to my flailing best friend. Luckily that calmed him down and after a few moments I hesitantly took my hand away from his mouth.

"REMUS!" He screamed at the top of his lungs.

Remus snatched his face away from Amy in shock. "Bloody hell Siri you almost gave me a heart attack!" he gripped his chest but then remembered that he was supposed to be mad at Sirius. "What do you want anyways?" he asked coldly.

"I just wanted to say to your darling _girlfriend_-" Sirius winked knowingly at Remus "-that I'm oh so very sorry about that…incident we had earlier. Simply a spell gone array, entirely my fault. So please have fun _dating_-" another wink "my friend Remus. Who loves girls very very much."

I slapped my hand against my forehead in exasperation and Remus was staring at Sirius completely confused and more then slightly suspicious.

"Uh…its okay…?" Amy seemed confused as well but didn't know Sirius well enough to be suspicious about his motives.

"Sirius did you drink water from the Black Lake again? I told you that that stuff was unsanitary and-" Remus started.

"No my dearest and bestest buddy, I just want to be nice and sweet and kind to you and your new relationship." Sirius put on the most innocent smile ever.

Remus sighed. "Is this about our fight this morning? If it is I'm sorry, I overreacted I know. You just hit a nerve but _please_ stop acting like this, its scaring me Pads."

"Whatever are you talking about Remmy?"

"James, make him stop!" Remus sighed.

"I have no idea what the hell he's doing Moony…" I said, actually being honest this time. Not even I could always understand what was going on in Sirius' crazy mind.

"There is nothing wrong with me my perfect, amazing, lovely friends." Sirius fluttered his eyelashes.

"Uh…Amy Ill see you later, I think Sirius needs to be taken to the hospital wing…" Remus said slowly and I saw Sirius' eyes light up.

_The crafty little devil…_ I thought proudly.

"See you later Remus." Amy stood on her tip toes and kissed Remus goodbye making Sirius look like he wanted to puke but made that face disappear before Remus turned back around after Amy left.

"Alright, she's gone what do you really want Sirius?" Remus asked bluntly and I had to choke back a laugh. Remus could see through Sirius like a piece of glass.

_Exactally why they're perfect for each other!_ My mind cheered.

"For you to not hate me anymore" Sirius sighed crossing his arms. "I don't like you hating me, who else will I copy notes from."

"I don't hate you Padfoot…you just frustrate me sometimes." Remus sighed.

"I don't mean to."

"I know I know and I'm sorry I called you a manwhore." Remus rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "It sort of just slipped out…"

Sirius hesitated, uncharacteristically uncertain but finally asked in a soft voice "Do you really think of me that way? As some cheap whore?"

Remus didn't answer right away and I felt Sirius' shoulders slump next to me.

"So you do think I'm just a cheap whore…" Sirius whispered and a little piece of my heart broke off, hearing just how hurt my friend sounded. Knowing that Remus thought of him that way would have caused pain even if they were just friends but knowing about Sirius' new found feelings for our furry compadre I knew that Sirius must just be dying inside.

"Sirius, no I didn't mean it like that I was just thinking." Remus reached out to touch Sirius' arm but Sirius slapped it away hard.

"Sirius!" I said shocked, no matter what happened between them Sirius never once hit Remus who was also staring at Sirius with equal shock, holding his bruised arm.

"Why did you have to think about it! If you didn't mean it you could have just said no!" Sirius yelled but this was different then what happened in the Great Hall, Sirius wasn't angry at all, his voice was high pitched and almost squeaking the way it only did when he was on the verge of tears after another fight with his family.

Remus looked to me questioningly then turned back to Sirius "Padfoot, I do not think you are a whore."

"But you think I'm cheap!"

" Sirius what's wrong with you? You're acting like one of your psycho girlfriends!" Remus snapped more out of confusion then actual anger.

" Well you think I'm a cheap whore!"

"No I don't Sirius! What is wrong with you!"

"There's nothing wrong with me! You're the one who would rather spend time snogging some bint then with me!" Sirius screamed and stormed off.

Remus and I watched him go both staring in shock.

"Did that really just happen?" Remus asked slowly.

"Yup" I nodded.

"Is…Is Sirius jealous of me and Amy is that why he's freaking out?"

"For a smart person you're really stupid."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Remus turned to face me.

"Haven't you noticed?"

"Noticed what?"

"About Sirius of corse!"

"Why is something wrong with him?" Remus immediately got worried and I laughed, the over protectiveness apparently went both ways.

"Wrong isn't exactly the word I'd use Moony"

"Then…what do you mean?"

I sighed, putting my hand on Remus' shoulder "Sirius is gay…"

Remus' eyes got as wide as saucers. "W-What! Sirius is g-"

I slapped my hand over his mouth. "Obviously he's still in the closet. So don't go yelling it out. He just came to terms with it recently and he's still sort of reeling from it."

"But he' slept with almost every girl at Hogwarts! Surely he realized the truth before now!"

"You know how good Sirius is at denial. Remember in third year when that one Hufflepuff girl dumped him?"

"Oh yeah…" Remus sighed. "He still believes that she's a lesbian?"

"Yup." I nodded amused.

"But him being gay doesn't explain why he'd get upset over Amy and I."

"Doesn't Remus?"

Remus stared at me for a moment completely dumbfounded, a rare moment in the lycanthropes history, then he paled. "O-Oh…you mean…Sirius, me, Sirius, he likes ME?" he pointed at himself.

"Isn't it obvious Rem? Why else would he have exploded like that in the Great Hall or reacted to hurt to something you said. I mean its kind of obvious."

"I don't know what to do Prongs." Remus shook his head.

I groaned exasperated, hoping I wouldn't have to deal with Remus' denial like I did Sirius' "Look, I went through this with Sirius, I'm not going through it with you. Whether you realize it or not you're fuckin in love with Sirius and he loves you so dump the bird and go get your man!"

"Its not that simple James!" Remus slid down against the wall in a similar fashion to what Sirius had done earlier. "I mean I knew that Amy was just a girlfriend and that sooner or later we'd break up. I like her and all but I actually only agreed to go out with her because I wasn't sure if I was…ya know gay or not."

"I knew it!" I hopped in the air excitedly.

Remus looked to me startled. "Knew what?"

"Oh um nothing, continue. Why do you think that this isn't this simple?" Inside though I was grinning I soooooo called that Remus was gay so in all technicality I didn't lie to Sirius about it.

"You know why it's not simple James! You know _what_ I am!"

"So does Sirius, doesn't that just make things easier? No awkward confession, no worrying about him turning away from you because of it."

"But this is different! It's _Sirius_! Dammit James…I love Sirius, I never thought he'd love me back so I never worried about it but now…fuck James this is so screwed up!"

"Why! I don't get what's so wrong with everything! Sirius loves you, you love Sirius, it's easy!" I waved my arms around confused.

"I know you don't read the papers James but I do!" Remus hopped up, "The disappearances, the murders! A war is coming, a fucking huge, giant, unstoppable war and when that happens people like me will be seen as even more of a threat. This thing will get bad, haven't you noticed how panicky all of the professors have been? How our parents letters have been few and far between, they're checking through the mail, they track all lycans and vampires and other 'dark breeds' and I don't want to drag Sirius down with me!"

"Remus." I put my hands on his shoulders "We're the marauders, even if you and Sirius aren't dating we're all in this together."

"I know…I just…I cant…"

"Why not? You two would be freaking awesome." I paused then added "So long as you two stay off my bed."

"Tell Sirius that I'm sorry but I don't love him like that." Remus moved away from my grip.

"But you do love him like that!"

"He doesn't have to know that! As far as he knows I'm in a meaningless relationship with Amy and that's all I want him to know. It's easier for everyone…" he whispered and walked away from me.

_Bullshit Remus, you two aren't ending this that easily. I'm going to have recruit more people to help but even if it's the last thing I do you two will be together!_ I laughed manically, probably traumatizing a group of passing second years. Oh well.

**…...**

**Well this is longer then I expected it to be. Hope you liked it! Please Review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Sadly I do not own *sobs in a corner**

**James' POV**

It had been a week since Sirius had his revelation about loving Remus and the past week had sucked ever since. Remus avoided Sirius like the plague, leaving Sirius in his worst mood ever. He was on the war path twenty-four seven and it took constant supervision from both Peter and I to make sure that he didn't hex any first years who 'looked at him wrong.'

Luckily though Sirius was so out of it he measured some potions ingredients wrong and ended up in the hospital wing for the night. Maybe that was more lucky for me then it was for him…but anyways, I finally get to put my plan into action.

I knew where my dearest Lilyflower would be, I did have her schedule practically memorized after all. No I'm not a stalker…I'm just in love…

I hid behind a bookshelf in the library until I saw her enter the library and sit at her regular table. Okay maybe I'm a bit of a stalker, but Lily is worth it! I waited a few minutes until everyone else was out of sight or earshot then snuck up behind her. Quickly I put one hand over her mouth while the other quickly took away her wand.

_Wow she smells pretty… _I thought to myself a bit dazed but then mentally kicked myself, I was a man on a mission.

"I just want to talk, don't kill me." I whispered "So I'm going to let go, don't freak out." I slowly let go of her and for a second I thought it was going to work out.

Then she spun around and kneed me right where no man should ever be kneed. I keeled over and held myself in complete agony. Lily huffed, picking up her wand and pointing it at me.

"W-Wait!" I squeaked, still gasping for breath. "I-I need your help."

"Oh you need more then my help James Potter!"

"Its about R-Remus!"

Lily paused, her and Remus were friends and I knew that that would make her calm down. "Is this about why he's been acting so strange lately?" she asked, hesitantly lowering her wand.

I nodded "Yeah" I was finally gaining my senses back, sitting up slowly I winced. No James Potter Jrs would be born in the near future, that was for sure. "I need your help to get things to the way they should be."

"The way they should be?" she asked crossing her arms. God she was so pretty…

"Okay this is a really long story and you've gotta promise not go near Jamie Jr."

"Jamie jr?" Lily cocked an amused eyebrow.

"Would you rather me name him Lilylover?"

"No thank you, Jamie jr is just fine."

"Thought so"

"So what's going on with Remus!" she repeated annoyed

I took a long inhale then spit out "So, Sirius went all wizard on some Ravenclaws who were oogling Remus. Remus was pissed and went to apologize to them, then pretty Ravenclaw girl asked Remus out. He said yes. Sirius was going to dump his blank amount of Hogsmede dates to hang with Remus that weekend but Mooney decided that it was a good time to drop the girlfriend bomb which Sirius totally freaked over. They had that whole fight in the Great Hall and then Sirius freakin vanished for a few hours. Finally I found him in the closet with two chicks. _Two_ for chrissakes and after kicking them out I had to point out to Sirius that he was sorta proving Remus' manwhore comment. This led to a huge friendly discussion slash huge argument that eventually ended in me FINALLY getting Sirius to realize that he's crazy in love with Remus. Then lo and behold we run into none other then Remus who is with, you guessed it! Slutty McSlutslut as Padfoot so lovingly refers to her as. After luring her away Sirius decides to PMS and he and Sirius got into another fight. Though this one was more one-sided with Sirius yelling and Remus just trying to figure out what the hell was going on. Sirius ran off and Remus, using that brilliant brain of his, figured out Sirius' little revelation. Remus sorta kinda admitted to returning those feelings but then said that he and Pads could never be together because of the upcoming war which yeah I get is a bad thing but at the same time not even some 'Dark lord' thingy should be able to stop true love. So yeah that's why Remus and Sirius have been avoiding each other causing each to spiral down into a endless pit of depression and despair with the only cure being the others hot love. So will you help me get them together?"

Lily just stared at me "You're crazy…the lot of you just completely crazy…"

"Is that a yes…?"

She hesitated "_Only_ for Remus' sake."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I hugged her tightly, only to be shoved off with a wand pointed to my chest.

"And if you try anything, anything at all with me while we're doing this I swear I will not hesitate to hex off Jamie Jr."

I squeeked, visibly paling.

"Are we understood?" Lily asked, narrowing her eyes and daring me to say otherwise.

"Completely and totally understood my beautiful Lilyfl-dammit. Understood." I nodded and she rolled her eyes, flicking her hair back exasperated.

_So pretty…_ I practically drooled but was brought out of my fanticizing by Lily's voice.

"So how do we do this?" Lily asked, sitting down at the library table and after a moments hesitation I did the same.

"Well Remus may love Sirius but besides the war thing our biggest obstacle is Slutty. We need to get rid of her first." I suggested.

"I have the perfect idea." Lily smiled evilly, in a way that terrified me and turned me on at the same time…

**…... *8:0D...**

**Sorry it took so long to update with something so short! I wanted to get Lily right and had a four-day weekend in between! Sorry again.**

**Any suggestions for how Lily should get rid of Remus' Girlfriend? Tell me them and review! Thanks for reading!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Warning this story may cause random combustion in your toes, nose and in rabbits. Therefore I do not own it.**

**Im sooooo sorry it took so long to upload! I was having uploading issues :( but its here now so enjoy!**

**James' POV**

After hours of exhausting thinking and talking Lily and I had a plan…and it was probably the longest I've spent in her presence without being hexed. I've to remember to thank Remus and Sirius for this later but first back to the plan!

A few days later I hid behind a bookshelf, watching Amy and Remus kiss at a secluded library table. This was so gross, it just seemed unnatural somehow…like it was just wrong for Remus to be with anyone but Sirius.

Just as the kissing was really getting heated I walked over, acting like I just came in the library.

"REMUS!" I cried, waving my arms around like a frantic maniac.

"James what is it?" Remus looked to me alarmed.

"Its Peter he-he-he-"

"He what Prongs?"

"He's cornered in the East Wing by a bunch of Slytherins!"

"Why didn't you or Sirius go help him!" Remus stood up.

"Lily snapped my wand in half last week after I serenaded her remember?" I lied

"What? When did that happen?"

"You must have been out with Slu-Amy when it happened."

"Oh and why didn't Sirius help!"

"He's uh still in our dorm moping because of uh…you know." I tried to sound sheepish.

Remus groaned annoyed "Ill see you later Amy." He gave her one last kiss and I almost threw up but luckily Remus ran out.

_Phase one complete_ I thought triumphantly

"How did Peter get trapped by some Slytherins in the first place?" Amy asked me.

"I don't know…I've got to go…brush my hair…." I said awkwardly and ran off but not before I heard Amy mutter something about me needing to use a weed-whacker…

I hid behind the bookshelf again and didn't have to wait long until phase two of the plan was put into action. Lily came in the library and walked over to Amy.

"You're Remus' girlfriend right?" Lily asked

"Yeah, you're Remus' friend Lily right? He talks about you sometimes." Amy said and I was surprised by her cold voice, I didn't approve of Amy and Remus' relationship but she was normally pretty nice.

"That's me, mind if I sit?" Lily asked nicely.

"Yes, I do mind actually."

"Did I do something wrong?" Lily asked looking confused and she probably was.

Amy stood "I don't like other girls flirting with MY Remus. So I'm sorry if I don't appreciate the presence of girls like you."

"Girls like me?"

"Yes, girls like you. Sluts, whores, hoes, need I continue?" Amy put her hands on her hips.

"Look here" Lily growled and I winced, I've heard that tone, that was the _Fuck with me anymore and you'll be sent home in a sushi box_ tone. Amy was gonna get it now. Lily took a step forward and Amy took a step back. "I just came here to very nicely tell you of Remus' situation but since you don't want to hear it then Ill just leave you to figure it out on your own."

Amy narrowed her eyes interested "Is this about why Remus is absent from school so much?" she asked, everyone has noticed Remus' constant absences but no except Sirius, Peter and I along with Lily and Snivellus has actually put it together.

"Actually it does." Lily smiled "But I'm afraid sluts like me have bad memories so Ill just be going now."

"Oh no you don't!" Amy pulled out her wand and pointed it at Lily.

_Big mistake_ I thought grinning to myself.

Before Amy could even open her mouth she was smashed up against the nearest wall, Lily holding her wand out.

"Do. Not. Point. Your. Ugly. Stumpy. Pathetic. Wand. At. Me." She growled. "Now, I will let your sorry ass down if you promise to behave. Now will you be good?" she asked and Amy nodded fearfully. Lily flicked her wand and Amy fell to the ground, getting up after a moment. "Would you like to hear about Remus?"

Amy nodded as if she was afraid to speak. I've been there and done that, a pissed off Lily was the scariest thing in the whole freaking world.

"I don't like you, obviously but I still feel that since you're with Remus you should know the truth." Lily sighed and I was impressed, she was a good actress. "Remus and Sirius are…ya know…"

"No I don't know." Amy shook her head.

_How stupid can you f-in be! I thought you were supposed to be a Ravenclaw! Ya know, smart!_ I mentally screamed and by the look on Lily's face she felt the same way.

"Remus and Sirius are together. Like in a romantic relationship. Didn't you wonder why he got so mad when you and Remus got together?"

"What?" Amy exclaimed "That is not true! Remus wouldn't cheat on me especially not with someone as disgusting at Black!"

"As much as I agree with the disgusting part, I don't like Sirius either, it's true. I mean everyone knows they're in love. They even have their own fan club."

I winced, that part was true, I've had more then a few run ins with the SRF, Sirius and Remus Forever. They were a well meaning but slightly stalkery band of girls and guys from almost all houses.

"Well…I…that's…humph…Why should I believe you?" Amy crossed her arms.

"Because I'm right" Lily shrugged and walked away, meeting me behind the bookshelves. We turned around and watched Amy contemplate what Lily just told her.

"She sooooooo believed you." I smiled happily.

"Of corse she did." Lily shrugged.

"You're freaking amazing Lily Evans…" I murmured more so to myself but I knew she heard me because of the light pink color that touched her cheeks. "Are you blushi-"

"Finish that word and loosing Jamie jr. wont be the worst of your problems." She growled.

"Point taken. Now what do we do next?" I asked,

"I thought you were the mastermind" she smirked at me.

"Well I think now all we can do is wait for Amy to confront Remus."

**…...**

**Well obviously the next chapter is Amy confronting Remus about Sirius.**

**Thanks to Lavi's Samuri Kanda Yu for the idea! Granted this was more then a hint but you still gave me the idea! And thanks to everyone else who also reviewed! You guys rock! So keep on rocking and press that little button at the bottom and tell me whachyall think!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I won Harry Potter in a lottery! Yay! I now declare this Remus Lupin X Sirius Black day! Lets Party! As much as I wish that was true its not :( JK Rowling still owns Harry Potter...I do not...**

**As a thanks for being so patient with that last chapter I tried to upload this one quickly. Computers can be such-bad words I feel I shouldn't say in an authors note-so here ya go!**

**Still James' POV**

When Amy left the library Lily and I followed behind her stealthily. We followed her through the castle for a good half hour until she finally found Remus in the owlery. I was about to follow her up the stairs when Lily grabbed my arm.

_Please let her spin me around and kiss me. Please let her spin me around and kiss me!_ I begged in my mind.

"You moron." She hissed

_Soooooo not what I wanted._

"If we go up there they'll see us for sure!" she said annoyed.

"Can you keep a secret?" I asked hesitantly

"Depends on if its legal or not"

I sighed and rummaged through my sack, pulling out my invisibility cloak. "Come here." I held out an arm.

"If this is some twisted little-"

"Yeah yeah I know Jamie jr. blah blah. Now come here before we miss it all." After a moments hesitation Lily came over and I pulled the cloak over both of us. "Now we're invisible. Happy now?"

"Where did you get this?" she asked and I was pleased to hear a slight bit of amazement in her voice.

"Family heirloom." I shrugged nonchalantly as me made our way up the stairs as quickly but as quietly as possible.

"What are you talking about Amy?" Remus asked clearly confused.

Lily and I made our way over to a far corner, where we had a good view of both of them.

"I know about you and him Remus! How could you do this!"

"Do what? I don't know what going on!"

I felt kind of bad, Remus did seem genuinely confused but I reminded myself that this was all for the best.

"Don't play stupid with me! I know all about you shagging Black behind my back!"

Remus just stared at her "Wait what?" he asked as if he hadn't heard her right.

"You're shagging Sirius Black! I know all about it!"

"And where did you hear this from…?" he asked slowly.

"What does it matter Remus! How can someone so smart be so stupid to sleep with someone as whorish as Black!" she screamed angrily and I smirked, that was such a wrong thing to say.

"Hey!" Remus finally spoke up "Sirius isn't a whore!...Yeah he gets around a bit but he's not a whore! I was angry when I called him that and it was wrong so you sure as hell cant call him that!"

"So its true!" she screeched.

"Of corse its not true!" Remus yelled back, he was obviously getting frustrated.

"Liar!"

"Well you've obviously already decided my guilt so why did you even come here!"

"To dump your sorry excuse for a boyfriend ass! I swear! Dating one of the Dolohovs was better then you!"

"Sorry to waste your precious time!"

"I'm sorry you did too! Go fuck Black you stupid ponce!" she screamed and stormed off, leaving Remus standing there as he digested what the hell just happened.

I could Lily was holding her breath just like I was, that went perfectly! We shared a look and she let herself give me a small smile. It took all my bodily control not to pass out right then and there! I shifted my hand a bit, just enough to let my palm press against her, when she didn't try to kill me I let my fingers intertwine with hers. I knew I was pushing my luck and would probably pay for this later but then she did the unexpected. Lily squeezed my hand, just barely but I could feel the gesture of approval!

Then the moment ended when Remus clenched his fists and let out an angry almost growl. The full moon wasn't for a few weeks yet but when Remus was really, REALLY angry a growl wasn't as uncommon as the anger itself. Remus stormed out of the owlery.

"This cant be good…" I muttered. Lily and I chased after him, still holding hands. We followed him all the way up to the dorm I shared with him, Sirius and Peter. Sirius was in his bed, which he had rarely left the comfort of since realizing his true feelings for our furry friend. The revelation obviously shaking him to the core and the rejection breaking his heart.

Remus stormed over to Sirius' bed and ripped opened the curtains. "WHY DID YOU TELL THAT LOAD OF SHIT TO AIMI!" he barked with more fury then I'd ever seen him hold before. Sirius' eyes widened in shock and confusion, he had no idea what was going on.

Yup…definitely not good…

**…...**

**Ooh...poor Sirius...he's in trouble and he actually didn't do it this time! **

**I'm not sure if I should be sorrier for the shortness or the cliffhanger. Well first off I wanted to get this out quickly so sorry about the length and second cliffhangers are fun for the author not so much for the readers…so the more reviews I get the faster Ill update. I know I'm such a review whore *sigh***

**Anyways, thanks for reading! And again reviews make me happier then cupcakes!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns Harry Potter and all subsequent characters. I own Slutty McSlutslut but I'm not sure that's something to be proud of…hehe**

**Warning: This chapter has a lot of swearing mostly due to the Black family potty mouth.**

**James' POV**

Lily and I shared a look of pure horror; this was probably the worst thing that could have possibly happened!

"What are you talking about?" Sirius asked after regaining his composure.

"You know what I'm talking about! I know you _think_ you fancy me but that doesn't give you a right to screw up with my relationships!" Remus snapped furiously.

Sirius sat up, now he was annoyed too. "Okay I don't know who slipped what into your bloody pumpkin juice this morning but I had nothing to do with this." He growled "And as for my feelings about you, you've made it quite clear that you're not interested so I've stayed out of your mother fucking way since so I wouldn't fuck up our friendship anymore then I already did! And I don't very well appreciate being accused for something I DIDN'T FUCKING DO! SO GET OUT OF MY FACE REMUS LUPIN UNLESS YOU WANT YOUR SHITTY LITTLE TAIL CUT OFF AND FED TO SNIVELLUS!" he screamed and then flopped back down on the bed, yanking the covers over his head petulantly.

Remus just stared at Sirius' lump of a body for a moment before yanking the pillow out from under Sirius' head and smacking him with it repeatedly. "Just tell me what the hell is going on Padfoot!" he begged, confused, angry and hurt. I felt sort of bad but again I had to remind myself that it was for the best.

Sirius looked up from his blanket, smacking the pillow away and sitting up. "I just know that I didn't tell your girlfriend anything. I don't even know what this is about!"

Remus sighed and sat by Sirius "_EX_-girlfriend." He corrected and I almost awed at the flash of happiness in Sirius' eyes when he heard that. "And someone told her that you and I were secretly shagging behind her back." Remus continued.

"And she believed that?" Sirius snorted "Leave it to you to find yourself the stupidest Ravenclaw out there."

"What? You wouldn't shag me behind her back?" Remus cocked an eyebrow.

"Is Remus flirting with him?" Lily whispered to me.

"Yes but let's hope he doesn't notice or he'll stop." I whispered back.

"Oh I would. The stupid part I was referring to is that she actually thought we'd be quiet enough to keep it a secret." Sirius grinned and Remus laughed. Sirius watched as Remus laughed and I saw a look that I had never seen Sirius give anyone before. Love. Not the brotherly love he and I shared but the all encompassing, floo to the moon, he's my other half type of love.

All doubts I might have had disappeared when I saw that look in my best friends eyes. If it was the last thing I was ever going to do I was going to get them together!

"Well if you didn't tell her that then who did?" Remus asked Sirius who shrugged.

"Maybe she's just a jealous crazy bint." Sirius suggested and Remus rolled his eyes. "What? She's not your girlfriend anymore, she's free to shit on now."

"Why am I friends with you again?" Remus smirked.

"Cuz you love me" Sirius batted his ridiculously long eyelashes, part of me thought he charmed the lashes to be so luxurious.

Remus stiffened up "Sirius…" he sighed.

"Why do you keep on denying it, denying _me_?" Sirius asked with a wounded sigh. "I know you have feelings for me, the same kind I have for you. Not even you can make me believe you don't, I just don't get why you keep on refusing me."

There was a pregnant pause before Remus finally answered. "Because you are you. You're Sirius Black. You're Hogwarts number one bachelor. You're my best mate and…I can't screw all that up…you being with me would be a mistake. At best we'd last for a while then have a horrible fight and forever destroy the Marauders and at worst-" Remus broke off and I realized that my werewolf buddy was near tears.

I felt like I was intruding on a private moment, which in fact I was but I was rooted to the spot. This was like one of those Muggle Soap Opera's I just couldn't tear my eyes away from.

"At worst?" Sirius whispered.

"At worst we'd fall madly and crazy in love and then this stupid war tears us apart, breaking both of our hearts and possibly killing one or both of us…" Remus finished, a single tear broke free, sliding down his cheek.

Sirius reached up and wiped the tear away, "There's one problem with your genius assessment Mooney."

"Oh?"

"You see I'm already madly, crazy and head over heels in love with you and not being with you is breaking my heart…" he whispered, bringing his other hand up to cup Remus' other cheek. Remus started to pull away but Sirius shook his head "Don't fight this, just let it happen." He brought his face closer to Remus' and let their lips touch.

The kiss was soft at first, tender and full of promises. Sirius was putting his whole heart and soul into it and little by little that love broke through Remus' protective barriers. It didn't take long for Remus to respond to the kiss, all to happy to oblige to Sirius' tongue begging entrance into his mouth. Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius's neck, finally accepting what was always meant to be.

"I'm not sure whether I should feel triumphant that I got my two best mates together or disturbed for that same reason…" I muttered.

"Shh, they'll hear us." Lily shooshed.

"Or smell you"

My and Lily's heads shot up just in time to see Sirius come over and snatch the cloak off of us. Remus watching with crossed arms, looking rather cross about his first kiss with Sirius being interrupted.

"We were just…um…making out…" I tried.

"In your dreams Potter." Lily rolled her eyes but was smiling.

"Constantly Evans." I smiled back at her, taking his hands gently.

"Did we step into some alternate reality…?" Remus asked slowly, looking to Sirius confused.

"If we did I like it!" Sirius hopped back onto the bed next to Remus, pulling him in for another kiss.

"Ewww…I'm starting to regret this." I gagged.

"We could go to the astronomy tower and fulfill your dreams." Lily suggested.

"Astronomy Tower? How will that fulfill my-oh…OH!" I grinned stupidly.

"Hurry up before I change my mind."

"Hurrying!" I ran with her towards the door but stopped at the threshold. "Stay off of my bed you two!" I yelled back to the new couple making out on Sirius' bed.

"No promises." They yelled back but I was to distracted by _my_ precious Lilykins to argue.

Sirius and Remus are in love.

They finally realized it.

I got them together.

_I'm bloody amazing._

**…...**

**Yay! Sirius and Remus love! Now we're at an impasse though. The options are.**

**A) I end the story here, nice happy ending.**

**B) Write an epilogue where Sirius & Remus get revenge on James for getting involved in their business even if it did work in the end.**

**C) Write an awesome sequel.**

**Review and tell me what you think!**


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Still Don't Own

Well here is the Epilogue! Last Chapter of this story. All ya'll have been amazing and I hope you guys like the ending!

STILL James' POV It started off as a normal day or at least as normal as it has been since Remus and Sirius _finally_ started going out about two months ago. I woke up, threw a pillow at Sirius and Remus and tried to get them not to snog first thing in the goddamned morning. Next, I took a shower, tried to leave the bathroom but had to whip Remus and Sirius with my towel because they were _still_ snogging but this time in the damned doorway. I finally managed to get dressed and down to breakfast to see my perfect, beautiful, amazing, glorious and stunning _girlfriend_ Lily. I got about five minutes of peace before Remus and Sirius arrived at the table and once more started snogging. Part of me wanted to spoon my eyes out but another part of me just wanted to watch and figure out what about them kissing made some girls swoon and others begin sobbing... So all in all a pretty normal morning that is until I got to lunch. I entered the Great Hall and everyone was glaring at me. While some days this was an extension of normalcy today it wasn't. I hadn't pulled any pranks lately that would make everyone hate me so what the hell was going on! Even the other Gryffindors were giving me the eye.

Then I saw it, Lily sat at the table with her friends all around her, giving her hugs trying to cheer her up. Her eyes were puffy and cheeks wet from crying, this obviously had to do with why everyone was giving me THAT look but I couldn't figure out why. I had been an amazing boyfriend! I even was nicer to Snape, it killed me to do so but it made Lily happy so I did it…grudgingly so but I did do it!

"What's wrong?" I ran over, shoving one of her less important friends over so I could take a seat next to her. When she didn't answer me I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her tears away. See? I'm such a sweet boyfriend! "Come on baby you can talk to me."

"Don't you think you've already done enough" One of Lily's girlfriends rolled her eyes.

"I don't even know what I did!" I said exasperated.

"Of corse you don't. Typical boy." the friend huffed.

I looked around the Gryffindor table, trying to find someone who might know something or other about what was going on. My eyes met with Remus, Sirius and Peter's gazes, I slid down the bench towards them.

"What the hells going on?" I hissed

"How can you not know!" Sirius rolled his eyes, crossing his arms.

"This is why you should listen in Charms Class!" Remus added scoldingly.

Peter just shrugged, filling his plate with sandwiches.

"What does Charms Class have to do with this?" I was completely and utterly confused now, even more then before.

Remus let out a long exasperated breath. "They taught us contraceptive charms in fifth year."

"Granted Moony and I don't need them for obvious reasons but if you had taken two seconds to use one you wouldn't be in this situation now would you?" Sirius smirked, taking a bite of a biscuit. "Can I be godfather?"

"Godfather? Godfather of what-" I stopped as what Remus and Sirius had just said sunk in. Conceptive Charms, Godfather, "BLOODY HELL!" I could feel all the blood drain away from my face.

Sirius clapped me on the back. "Hey he's finally figured it out!" he laughed.

"I'm gonna be a father?" I murmured, my head felt light and fuzzy.

"Congratulations!" Sirius grinned.

"Don't congratulate him!" Remus scolded his boyfriend.

"Lily's pregnant…" was the last thing I said before everything went dark as I passed out.

The next thing I know I'm wet.

Spluttering I sit up, shaking the water off of my face. It didn't take long to realize I was in the Hospital Wing and to see Sirius standing next to my bed holding a, now empty, cup of water.

"What was that for?" I wiped my face off with my sleeve.

"Had to wake you up somehow."

"I told him to just shake you." Remus put his hands in the air innocently.

"I had the weirdest dream…that Lily was pregnant and everyone hated me and-and I'm in the Hospital Wing because I passed out. It wasn't a dream. Oh my god, my moms going to kill me!" I buried my face in my hands but then looked up as I heard a strange noise, only to see Sirius and Remus trying very hard not to laugh and failing miserably. "This isn't funny!" I exclaimed.

"I can't believe you fainted mate!" Sirius gave in and started to laugh hysterically, holding his stomach. "Th-that's what you get for-" he stopped trying to stop laughing long enough to speak clearly "That's what you get for butting into our business."

"Even if it did give us a shove." Remus added, taking Sirius' hand.

"So wait…this was all fake? Lily isn't pregnant?" I felt an odd mixture of relief and homicidal thoughts.

Sirius nodded happily, "She is a fantastic actress ya know. I almost see why you fancy her and she loves a good prank."

"IM GOING TO-"

Sirius squeezed Remus' hand. "Moony?"

"Yeah?"

"I suggest we run."

"Agreed." he nodded and the two ran out.

"-KILL YOU!" I hopped out of the bed and chased after my two friends, the ungrateful prats. "I KNOW WHERE YOU SLEEP!" I yelled, shoving my way through a crowd of First Years.

Suddenly I felt myself being yanked back.

"Hey let go! I have to go kill my friends!" I turned to whoever was holding onto my arm. It was Lily. "And you are the worst girlfriend ever!" I said in a more petulant then angry tone. God I could not be mad at her…

"I know." she smiled.

"No sex for a month." I said childishly.

"Oh?" she pecked me. "What was that now?'

"No sex for a week…" She pecked me again. "No sex for an hour?" Another kiss "I hate all of you, you know that right?"

"I know. Now come on, lets go back to your dorm." she tugged on my arm and I smiled, wrapping it around her waist and heading towards Gryffindor tower. She opened the door to the dorm and froze, I looked up from staring at her adoringly to see what stopped her.

"OI! WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT STAYING OFF OF MY BED!"

**…...**

**Sorry it took so long to get this out! I still hope you guys liked it. I haven't decided if I should right a sequel or not yet though…**

**Thanks to everyone who read this story, review it, alerted it, favorited it ect. Ya'll rock!**

**Oh and…Please review one last time!**


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